This is all from my experience as someone who moved to the countryside as a kid, so, feel free to disregard anything that does not match your situation. I am writing this in the hope that it’s useful, but knowing that it might not apply. I have never lived in Denmark, and if the people are similar to Frisians, I can imagine how it is.
I am not sure if I misunderstood you or not. I am born in this country as well, as are my parents and their parents, we all look clearly European, speak the regional dialect and so on. But we made the mistake of moving from a city to a village about 60km away. That already means we count as foreigners in the minds of many people.
If your family does not have ties to the village you are in, or at least to the neighbouring villages, you are a foreigner. Of course, it is mostly old and grumpy people, but it is what it is, sadly. It’s even more stupid than the “normal” racism.
As for joining clubs and such, there isn’t a lot of interesting clubs in my area and those that seem interesting are at least an hour away
No, my point was this: if you want to be part of the “in group”, join the local club. Even if you don’t like it, if you think the people are stupid or if you are not interested in the topic. The goal is not to find new friends, the goal is to be seen as “Nangijala from the tennis club” and not “Nangijala who just moved here, 20 years ago”. Even then, some particularly stupid people will barely tolerate you, be prepared that they’ll still do some things without you because your parents did not go to the same primary school.
Then, of course, there is the whole idea about not having the same interest. Narrow-minded people are narrow-minded, and with the local club or tradition, the goal is to be part of the group. It’s fine to have weird interests, as long as you have some things other people and you can connect on.
but I’m not going partying with people who are “functional” alcoholics
Your mileage may vary, and certainly, things are moving in the right direction even compared to 10, 20 years ago. Over here, heavy drinking is quite socially accepted, because many people are unable to have a genuine conversation or be interesting while sober. A few permille of beer, and they will be more accepting, open, and “funny”. Unfortunately, it is the great social lubricant, and some people never learned to enjoy company while sober. I also don’t really see the point in that, I am not against alcohol and the effects of a beer or three in good company, but I’ve seen it being pushed to another level in village festivities.
This is all from my experience as someone who moved to the countryside as a kid, so, feel free to disregard anything that does not match your situation. I am writing this in the hope that it’s useful, but knowing that it might not apply. I have never lived in Denmark, and if the people are similar to Frisians, I can imagine how it is.
I am not sure if I misunderstood you or not. I am born in this country as well, as are my parents and their parents, we all look clearly European, speak the regional dialect and so on. But we made the mistake of moving from a city to a village about 60km away. That already means we count as foreigners in the minds of many people.
If your family does not have ties to the village you are in, or at least to the neighbouring villages, you are a foreigner. Of course, it is mostly old and grumpy people, but it is what it is, sadly. It’s even more stupid than the “normal” racism.
No, my point was this: if you want to be part of the “in group”, join the local club. Even if you don’t like it, if you think the people are stupid or if you are not interested in the topic. The goal is not to find new friends, the goal is to be seen as “Nangijala from the tennis club” and not “Nangijala who just moved here, 20 years ago”. Even then, some particularly stupid people will barely tolerate you, be prepared that they’ll still do some things without you because your parents did not go to the same primary school.
Then, of course, there is the whole idea about not having the same interest. Narrow-minded people are narrow-minded, and with the local club or tradition, the goal is to be part of the group. It’s fine to have weird interests, as long as you have some things other people and you can connect on.
Your mileage may vary, and certainly, things are moving in the right direction even compared to 10, 20 years ago. Over here, heavy drinking is quite socially accepted, because many people are unable to have a genuine conversation or be interesting while sober. A few permille of beer, and they will be more accepting, open, and “funny”. Unfortunately, it is the great social lubricant, and some people never learned to enjoy company while sober. I also don’t really see the point in that, I am not against alcohol and the effects of a beer or three in good company, but I’ve seen it being pushed to another level in village festivities.