You’d probably tie a rope to it, very securely, then secure the other end of the rope to a tree or rock or something on the river bank/shore, as low to the ground as possible, then cover the visible section of rope with mud/sticks/branches etc.

Still no guarantee it wouldn’t break free or be discovered by someone else though

I can’t believe someone would see this and go “Hahaha, man, Chili’s DOES sound good” and then go to Chili’s.

I have to imagine the vast majority of people see this, have a lil chuckle, maybe toss it an upvote, and continue on with their day. Or just ignore it all together

Yeah, it seems like the vast majority of these folk are long past saving nowadays. Figure 3 should say:

“If the first removed boot doesn’t stop them from choking, it’s too late for them. Beat them to death with the first boot.”