They call dogs mans best friend, but we ignore the humble potato. Have they been with us as long as canines? No. That’s why they’re putting in so much effort to fufill our every need.
One day you’re going to wake up and realize you love your potatoes. That they love you. The entire time, you’ll know what you need to do. It will hurt, as it always does, as you boil and mash this tuber that was once your closest companion, but in return, they will give you a full days nourishment and only ask for a little more butter this time.
I love my dog, but I’ve never had to clean potato vomit out of a carpet at 3 am.
Lemme make a pot of mashed potatoes and get extremely drunk. We can change this.
Vodka, right?
Right? Just pressure-cook the potatoes in vodka before letting them completely cool and then mash them. Then it’s not alcoholism, it’s side-dishes.
You’re missing the forest for the trees. Vodka can be, and is, made from potatoes. What is that if not the man’s closest companion?
That’s why I recommend using a pressure cooker instead of boiling them in vodka. Don’t let anything evaporate. Boiling potatoes in water to mash them makes watery potatoes. Pressure cooking them in vodka makes the potatoes more potato.
^Note: Please don’t actually pressure cook things with vodka. You’re just begging for the world’s scariest Molotov cocktail on your kitchen counter.^
How about a dog vomiting up raw potato? Cleaned that up yesterday
Thanks to the andeans who gave us the potato
Are we sure this isn’t because of local contamination or something like that? Are we sure this is actually naturally occurring?
Monsanto has entered the chat.
You jest, but… likely profitable.
It’ll take AT & your Simon to Solve this paradox when DuPont gets to this show.
Inb4 Monsanto funded study says ‘Monsanto pesticides proven to improve mental health’
it also happened with tramadol before (different plant)
Nanograms / gram.
So just eat about 1 million potatoes daily.
Challenge accepted 😋
That explains the Irish then.
I first believed a “potato tuber” to be something similar to a v-tuber, but it’s a potato.
Me too 😭 We’re so cooked chat
We’re so cooked
The important part for us potatoes is how we’re cooked.
Yeah ☺️
What’s a v tuber
Virtual YouTuber. A digital avatar.
Oooh like that peanut guy
I have no idea, but probably, yes.
Not quite, but yes.
Inhabitant of vt.social: https://vt.social/public/local
It’s a root vegetable that only exists in the blockchain
I mean, those do exist
Like that fucking peanut
Wait til u hear what they find in the humble poppy
You can’t make French fries out of a poppy
Anyone got any poppy bulbs, asking for a friend
Does this mean we could genetically engineer them to produce enough for an adult dose?
A potato a day keeps the psychiatrist away.
Latvians hate this one trick.
Potatoes are also one of the few foods you can live almost entirely on. If you eat the skin. They have about everything you need, unlike all other staple foods. The problem is you need a lot of them, and they get weird if they freeze. But you could dry them.
Peruvians used to smash them on the rocks and freeze dry them in the cold Andean air to preserve them for the winters up there above 10k feet.
I saw that movie.
Which movie is that? I just read about it in a news article before the news turned into shit.
The Martian. He gets trapped on Mars, and calculates out how long it’s going to take to get rescued, how much food he will require, and decides to create a potato farm, and grow potatoes in a his own poop.
I thought potatoes just made me feel good because they taste awesome… 🤔
They forgot that you can make a potato into a perfectly suitable pipe for smoking weed. Also an apple.
When you got weed and no papers, you get creative.
How do you make a potato into an apple man?
by saying it’s French name “pomme de terre”… basically dirt apple
Dude, you’ve had so much, you blew the joke, which was “Why would you smoke an Apple, man?”
Quit hogging the potato and pass it.
Nah man smoked apples are delicious
I never understood why people did this. You can also turn an empty pop or beer can into a pipe so much easier. And they’re ubiquitous, unlike apples and potatoes.
You mean dent the can and smoke the paint and plastic inner coating instead of just asking a dude for some papes
Boil 'em . . . mash 'em . . . shove 'em up your ass . . . PO-TAY-TOES!
Not that kind of plug, NutWrench
Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a pharmacy.
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This might be pro-potato propaganda from big potato to drive up demand after the potato market crash in Europe. I’m gonna make mash with mine.
Big Potato is my favorite rapper
Those aren‘t just anxiety drugs. Lorazepam is a literal Benzo. Which means it literally depresses (ie. makes less active) your CNS (brain).
These drugs are highly addictive and tolerance forming. They‘re often prescribed for insomnia since they inhibit brain signalling.
Once your brain forms tolerance it increases excitatory signalling to „counter“ the drug. Which means if you abruptly stop, you get withdrawal. Your brain is „overactive“ you have seizures, loads of horrible symptoms, in some cases people die.
(Not trying to scare people, short term or sporadic use is actually decently safe, it‘s long term high dose use which is dangerous. But basically my point is „anxiety drug“ is underselling what this is.)
Lorazepam’s main purpose is to treat anxiety, though. Calling it an anxiety drug is completely accurate
Carb coma best coma.
So what you’re saying is that potatoes are a helluva drug.
Does this mean that, if I were to take a benzo right before sleep, I shouldn’t dream?
Nah you can still dream. It just means your brain is less active than if you didn’t take the benzo. But some benzos and especially benzo-like drugs can actually give you weird hallucination-type dreams. Specifically thinking of Z-drugs.
Well that sucks.
Still trying to find a way not to dream so much.
Ever since I became chronically ill I feel like I dream way more and my dreams are less comfortable…
…plug?
Trip Tucker and Malcolm Reed used mashed potatoes to plug a hole in their shuttlepod once.
Just to be clear, zero of those names aside from ‘potato’ denote any kind of a currently or formerly living entity.
