Responding to an (apparent) attempt at seduction, which is what she actually wants, does not require one to do anything that requires consent.
What exactly do you think seduction is?
I was under the impression that consent is required for pretty much everything. So what exactly do you expect him to do?
“Hey, I noticed you’re in your underwear. Does this mean you’re propositioning me?”
You can obfuscate all you want by code switching whenever it’s convenient for you. “I’m horny, so nothing that I want right now requires consent” versus “I’m not in the mood right now, so if you even look at me without my consent I will hold a grudge against you for the rest of my life.”
Just don’t be surprised when people stop putting up with your bullshit. The dude is probably focusing on his game because he doesn’t feel like being teased, toyed with, and accused of heinous shit.
“Hey, I noticed you’re in your underwear. Does this mean you’re propositioning me?”
Rewrite this so it doesn’t sound like it was written by chatgpt and you’d have an appropriate response, for example.
Or he could put an arm around her, or lean in for a kiss, or whatever. The rest of your comment smells off. Stick to what’s in the original if we’re still talking about that, or else justify why what you’re saying is realistic.
Or he could put an arm around her, or lean in for a kiss, or whatever.
Are you saying those things don’t require consent? Because I’m pretty sure there are a lot of people out there who would roast your ass on a spit for trying that without asking for permission first.
Seriously, I don’t think those people actually exist. And if they do, I’m going to continue to ignore them and not ask permission every time I kiss or touch my partner, who will continue to do likewise to me.
Great, so after being gaslighted by society for years that all the ordinary social conventions I internalized earlier in life were actually some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, now I’m being gaslit that the people who were originally gaslighting me don’t exist?
I’m an incel because people on r/feminism told me something that almost everyone here is now saying was wrong, and tore me a new asshole for insisting on precisely what everyone’s else here is now saying is correct?
Strange norms these days, it’s a good thing I don’t give a shit. I learned to get over petty insults when I was still in middle school…
I don’t bookmark every thread that pisses me off for future reference, and if you expected otherwise then that’s just silly.
Maybe it was r/askfeminists where someone had posted asking about relationship advice and I got skewered for saying something to the effect of people in relationships don’t need to verbalize consent every time if they’re on the same page. Which is exactly what people are now saying here.
If you don’t believe people on the feminist subreddits are like that, go over there and try having a reasonable discussion. I double-dog dare you.
I believe what is being missed here in there are implied rules and agreements already in place in healthy relationships.
For newer couples or people that are not yet a couple, having these conversations around consent is vital for building trust, intimacy, and respecting boundaries.
For established couples, some things can be an entire conversation without an actual word being said, specifically because they’ve put in the time and work to lay those roads of understanding and listening. For instance, maybe your SO has a different wardrobe for intimate occasions as opposed to their regular cozy sleepwear. If they are wearing regular cozy sleepwear the implication would be that there is not an inherent green light on more intimacy in that moment.
Also, on a side note consent can be still be something flirty/sexy but how it’s done matters too. I feel many people who have had their boundaries trampled or ignored are going to need more active reassurance and checking-in.
Probably because you were speaking to a different audience years ago than the audience here. Alternatively, the way it was phrased could have been a bit different and was interpreted differently.
If you’re in an audience of people that had previous bad experiences with consent being walked over, then many of those people are going to have their guards up to not get hurt again. I’m sure some people do want to be asked before any kiss or touch, even from a partner.
Body language can tell quite a bit about what people are comfortable with as well, at least for people you’ve been in a relationship with for a good period already. There are times I can visibly tell my SO is irritated by something and I know, from past experience, that any sort of physical contact would be unwelcome in the moment.
For some people and some relationships, consent for most things, in a relationship, is given implied consent unless said otherwise. For other people, it’s never implied unless explicitly stated. I believe many people in the later group have been hurt before and have walls up for a good reason. If you’re ever wondering where another person stands on this, it’s okay to ask the other person about their personal views.
Yes. Literally when I was in college. I even asked for consent super awkwardly, because that’s what everyone said you’re supposed to do. and even when someone said yes I still had to deal with accusations from her friends later because they decided after the fact that she didn’t really mean yes and that I was supposed to somehow read her mind.
How many times do I need to ask “Are you sure?” Before a yes counts as consent?
What exactly do you think seduction is?
I was under the impression that consent is required for pretty much everything. So what exactly do you expect him to do?
“Hey, I noticed you’re in your underwear. Does this mean you’re propositioning me?”
You can obfuscate all you want by code switching whenever it’s convenient for you. “I’m horny, so nothing that I want right now requires consent” versus “I’m not in the mood right now, so if you even look at me without my consent I will hold a grudge against you for the rest of my life.”
Just don’t be surprised when people stop putting up with your bullshit. The dude is probably focusing on his game because he doesn’t feel like being teased, toyed with, and accused of heinous shit.
Rewrite this so it doesn’t sound like it was written by chatgpt and you’d have an appropriate response, for example.
Or he could put an arm around her, or lean in for a kiss, or whatever. The rest of your comment smells off. Stick to what’s in the original if we’re still talking about that, or else justify why what you’re saying is realistic.
Are you saying those things don’t require consent? Because I’m pretty sure there are a lot of people out there who would roast your ass on a spit for trying that without asking for permission first.
Context matters dude. If your girlfriend ask for explicit consent before you hug her, you’re in an abusive relationship.
Are these people in the room with us now?
Seriously, I don’t think those people actually exist. And if they do, I’m going to continue to ignore them and not ask permission every time I kiss or touch my partner, who will continue to do likewise to me.
Oh, your partner. More of a problem if you don’t do that sometimes. Unless she says not to explicitly.
Great, so after being gaslighted by society for years that all the ordinary social conventions I internalized earlier in life were actually some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, now I’m being gaslit that the people who were originally gaslighting me don’t exist?
Have I been MKUltra-ed?
Ah shit I was wrong. Shoulda known it was incel all along.
I’m an incel because people on r/feminism told me something that almost everyone here is now saying was wrong, and tore me a new asshole for insisting on precisely what everyone’s else here is now saying is correct?
Strange norms these days, it’s a good thing I don’t give a shit. I learned to get over petty insults when I was still in middle school…
Smart money says you are incorrectly applying what they said to a totally different situation.
Care to link to what you’re referring to?
You seem like an incel because you can’t seem to understand that a relationship has different rules than when you’re getting to know someone.
I don’t bookmark every thread that pisses me off for future reference, and if you expected otherwise then that’s just silly.
Maybe it was r/askfeminists where someone had posted asking about relationship advice and I got skewered for saying something to the effect of people in relationships don’t need to verbalize consent every time if they’re on the same page. Which is exactly what people are now saying here.
If you don’t believe people on the feminist subreddits are like that, go over there and try having a reasonable discussion. I double-dog dare you.
I believe what is being missed here in there are implied rules and agreements already in place in healthy relationships.
For newer couples or people that are not yet a couple, having these conversations around consent is vital for building trust, intimacy, and respecting boundaries.
For established couples, some things can be an entire conversation without an actual word being said, specifically because they’ve put in the time and work to lay those roads of understanding and listening. For instance, maybe your SO has a different wardrobe for intimate occasions as opposed to their regular cozy sleepwear. If they are wearing regular cozy sleepwear the implication would be that there is not an inherent green light on more intimacy in that moment.
Also, on a side note consent can be still be something flirty/sexy but how it’s done matters too. I feel many people who have had their boundaries trampled or ignored are going to need more active reassurance and checking-in.
Then how come when I tried to explain that to people years ago everybody reacted as if I was trying to say it’s okay to sexually assault your wife?
And no matter how firmly I insisted that it’s not the same thing, everyone simply told me that I’m the one who’s wrong and need to accept that?
Probably because you were speaking to a different audience years ago than the audience here. Alternatively, the way it was phrased could have been a bit different and was interpreted differently.
If you’re in an audience of people that had previous bad experiences with consent being walked over, then many of those people are going to have their guards up to not get hurt again. I’m sure some people do want to be asked before any kiss or touch, even from a partner.
Body language can tell quite a bit about what people are comfortable with as well, at least for people you’ve been in a relationship with for a good period already. There are times I can visibly tell my SO is irritated by something and I know, from past experience, that any sort of physical contact would be unwelcome in the moment.
For some people and some relationships, consent for most things, in a relationship, is given implied consent unless said otherwise. For other people, it’s never implied unless explicitly stated. I believe many people in the later group have been hurt before and have walls up for a good reason. If you’re ever wondering where another person stands on this, it’s okay to ask the other person about their personal views.
Well, have you ever encountered one in real life? If not, best not to worry.
Yes. Literally when I was in college. I even asked for consent super awkwardly, because that’s what everyone said you’re supposed to do. and even when someone said yes I still had to deal with accusations from her friends later because they decided after the fact that she didn’t really mean yes and that I was supposed to somehow read her mind.
How many times do I need to ask “Are you sure?” Before a yes counts as consent?