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slothrop @lemmy.ca to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 7 days ago

Paramedics Praised For Being Too Late To Save Lindsey Graham - The Onion

theonion.com

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Paramedics Praised For Being Too Late To Save Lindsey Graham - The Onion

theonion.com

slothrop @lemmy.ca to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 7 days ago
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Paramedics Praised For Being Too Late To Save Lindsey Graham
theonion.com
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WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that every second counted during a cardiac episode, doctors on Monday praised first responders for being too late to save Lindsay Graham from an aortic dissection. “Paramedics had a very short window to save Sen. Graham, and thankfully they did not make it in time,” said George Washington University Hospital cardiologist Dr. Eric Fallstaff, […]
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  • QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works
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    7 days ago

    It’s a shame all the “Never Trump” Republicans just fell in line.

  • manniesalado@piefed.social
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    7 days ago

    So were his intimates gender appropriate?

    • Larry@piefed.social
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      7 days ago

      He was wearing a strap on but backwards and inside out

  • unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz
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    7 days ago

    He was just an annoying old squeaky hate mongering warlover

  • huquad@lemmy.ml
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    7 days ago

    Fallstaff went on to praise his fellow doctors’ bravery and quick thinking for pronouncing Graham dead shortly after.

    Holy shit haha

  • trainsrkool@lemmy.ml
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    7 days ago

    r/AteTheOnionButInAGoodWay

    • DrakeAlbrecht@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      r/LostLemmings

    • expatriado@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      with “the onion” on the title?

      • Deacon@lemmy.world
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        7 days ago

        these are crazy times. The Onion owns InfoWars, up is down, down is up.

        • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works
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          7 days ago

          And Alex Jones just sponaeously exploded in his car after eating dozens of pounds of food from Whataburger

          • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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            7 days ago

            There’s a scene in Idiocracy, I think set in the Lincoln bedroom at the White House, where Rita and Not Sure are talking. Secretary Sure is standing at the window looking down at the “crops” the water out of the toilet is supposed to grow, and Rita is sitting on the bed eating a homogenous yellow substance out of a gallon-size tub with her finger.

            That’s what I imagine as Alex Jones’ diet.

          • ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one
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            7 days ago

            And now there is a fake Alex Jones claiming to be the real Alex Jones.

  • DickFiasco@sh.itjust.works
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    7 days ago

    The Onion delivers, again.

  • FE80@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    The lemmy.world politics mods are going to need a fainting couch if they see this.

    • can@sh.itjust.worksM
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      7 days ago

      Don’t tell me they’ve fallen in step that closely.

      • IndustryStandard@lemmy.world
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        7 days ago

        They banned celebrations of Lindsey Grahams death

        • arrow74@lemmy.zip
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          7 days ago

          That’s inaccurate, they had a long standing rule about celebrating any death. Not a special one for Graham.

          Fuck that when they go low we go high bullshit though

          • PhoenixDog@lemmy.world
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            7 days ago

            ANY hint of celebration. Being okay with it was okay, but removing comments and banning people who being happy that the world is a better place without him and saying the horrible things he did.

          • IndustryStandard@lemmy.world
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            Even if they had a rule in place, they decided to enforce it.

            This means no celebrations of Trumps eventual death either.

  • DiaDeLosMuertos@aussie.zone
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    7 days ago

    I was eating my lunch and actually laughed. Beautiful

  • CatGPT@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    7 days ago

    Won’t someone think of all the lil Israelis left swimming around in Lindsey’s ass

    • some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      Well I wasn’t thinking of that before… but now…

  • walden@wetshav.ing
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    7 days ago

    Heroes

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